Saturday, February 1, 2014

The Mind's Playing Trick


My understanding of life's Ferris Wheel analogy is that first, we can be on top at one moment and the next, you've hit the bottom. Second, we are not the ones in control of the ride; we trust the operator. Providence allows us to practice our faith — that the Ferris Wheel will keep moving and that the material used to build the body is strong enough to support our weight and that the time will come when we get off our seat and move on to our next journey.

At times when life is difficult and we have so many challenges to face, sometimes we just hope that we can fast forward the time. But on the other hand, at least for me, I always feel the sense of insecurity when, ironically, everything is going right. I mean, life couldn't be that simple, right? I believe many would agree with me that the most beautiful scenery is seen when we are on top of the Ferris Wheel. But am I the only one who's constantly aware that soon the time will come when we've to come down again?

There are two different takes in which we can choose when we're in our so-called 'smooth period' in our lives. Some people choose to go all out. Enjoy the ride. YOLO. They live in present moment. Not worrying about the past nor the future. Others choose to take precautions. The moment they're free from their problems, they build walls in order to prevent from future catastrophe. I belong to the later group. While the pragmatic school of thought would agree that prevention is necessary, it sometimes is tiring to the soul.

I've yet to learn to draw a line between happiness and awareness. Things have been going pretty well in my life recently. My new hostel turns out to be not as bad as I first expected. My new roommate is by far the nicest roommate I've ever had. I've made a lot of new friends from RIMO events and I'm pretty surprised that some would actually take the initiative to talk to an introvert like me. I've made the habit to run at least 3-4 times a week and it's been successful in helping me feel healthier as well as clear my thoughts. Here are some pictures from Instagram and Facebook.

 
During RJC Open House

 
The amazing view from outside my window

Me, Cynthia and Geil savouring our Ritz Apple Strudel

 
My awesome RIMO team and super cool Malaysian students (first picture) who like to show me some magic tricks

Despite all these blessings that I've received, I keep pushing myself to become more self-aware. I've received so much but have I given my best? I'm afraid of being too indulged in temporary pleasures that I forget what's the main purpose of why I'm here. Often times when I run, I think of a lot of random stuffs from what could be the name of that brown poodle running with its owner in front of me, to even more absurd things like whether I can actually run further, make more friends and achieve higher in school if only I have the motivation to do so. It's very tiring to stress a lot. People who only see me from the outside might think that I'm fine. Yes, right now I'm actually having one of the best moments in my life. But at times when I unintentionally pull out my panic cord, it's hard to seek for help from anyone but myself. Right now I might not have problems to worry about. But I'm worried that I'll ever create more problems. On one hand I wish I'll ever stop panicking, worrying, stressing, whatever one may call it. On the other hand, I feel that it is 'these things' that have pushed me out of my comfort zones up till now. A little stress is always needed, but how much is enough?

Going back to the Ferris Wheel analogy, I feel like I've forgotten how to surrender my life to the one and only Creator of this universe. Another analogy I would like to share is the father and baby analogy. Most of you might have heard this famous analogy about how when we were little, our father liked to throw us to the air yet we never worried if he didn't catch us. I miss having that kind of trust. As we grow older and become more independent sometimes we forgot that even the smartest, richest, most beautiful human being still needs Savior. I miss being under my Father's presence and I know that I need to go back to His track soon. Here's a verse that I would like to share, mostly for my own self-reminder but I also hope that there will be people out there who find this helpful.

 
 And on a completely unrelated note, here are some of my favorite songs this month. Hope you like it. (:

 
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4 comments:

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