Thursday, January 9, 2014

Midnight Ramblings

It scares me whenever I think about how flexible the concept of time can be.

During my stay in my grandparents' house in Majalengka, my day only consisted of sleeping, eating, watching soap operas and checking out my social medias. I wished there's more I could do but I guess life in the suburb is just to serene, too simple yet too small be dug by one adventurous soul.

But when I was at the peak of my roller coaster ride, aka having the best time of my life, time didn't just fly. It's gone. Poof. At the end of the day was a rumination on how I've been spending my time so far. How is it that such precious thing can be stolen away from me?

I shudder after knowing that I will be back in Singapore 4 days from now. Not that I hate the school or my friends or the plain-but-healthy food that the boarding school will provide me daily, I'm just very anxious about the idea of having to start everything all over again. New year, new me is nothing to me as compared to new year, new JC, new boarding school, new roommate, new classmates, new CCA-mates and the list can go on and on.

I might just be over thinking and sound extremely exagerative but sometimes it is stress that forces us to carry on, no? For people who can handle their stress pretty well, good for you. But as for me, I'm the type of person who is always excited, but at the same time petrified, at the notion of change. Change is inevitable (high five if you're a Geography student and know what I'm talking about) and the only thing we can change is our attitude towards it. Unfortunately, I'm still in the process of trying to embrace that changes I'm about to face.

As always, my constant battle most of the time is with my thoughts. If I were to think logically and faithfully, I know very well that everything is gonna be fine for me because I have Christ. If I've managed to survive for 2 years why can't I carry on for another 2 years? Honestly, the past 2 years was probably the fastest period in my life ever. It feels like just yesterday I took my first overseas flight to Singapore and stayed with my first foreign roommates. It's also still very clear in my mind how I used to cry after Skype-ing with my parents and grumble over the oh-so-difficult chemistry questions.

But hey, I finally get through everything, somewhat smoothly and auspiciously. So again what actually is there to worry about, I keep asking myself. I wish I know what's wrong so that I can correct it. But the fact that things merely go as they should and I'm not the only one facing this shows to me that maybe it's normal to feel this way: to know that everything will be okay but still worry anyway, to know what actions to take but still need reassurance nonetheless.
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14 comments:

  1. Hi Jessia,

    This is Anh. First of all, this is a really thoughtful and well-written blog, I could not have written anything at 1 a.m., if I do say so myself. Secondly, about you being "petrified at the notion of change", I used to have the same problem, before I watched a documentary about Arnold Schwarzennegger a few years back, when he said that change was not something given to you, but was largely determined by your previous actions. For example, the fact that you are now moving on to the next level of study in Singapore was largely due to the fact that you chose to take your study to Singapore. As such, in my opinion, if you look at change from another perspective, you will see that it is not something to be anxious about but merely, the results of your own actions. Hope this helps! :)

    Anh.

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  2. Ah, you should know that these two years are going to fly even faster.

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  3. Oh WOW I love love this post!You are so amazing and your blog is just perfect!I just have to follow you!:D

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  4. I totally hear you! Time always manages to get the best of me and before I know the year is over and I am still trying to solve that problem I had in March.

    Sometimes we just have to 'Let go', as cheesy as that is, and just enjoy the ride rather than comtemplate on every single second of our day. Perhaps, perhaps.

    Good luck for this year! I am sure it will be great for you x

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    1. Thank you so much for your nice comment! Good luck to you too! (:

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  5. you've got to be strong dear, life goes on :)

    would you like to follow each other on gfc or bloglovin?
    let me know! :)

    http://ekaneechan.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! (: Followed you on both GFC and Bloglovin!

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