Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Back On Track

It's been really really long since I last updated this blog. To my defense, school has been really arduous and I barely have time to do things other than finishing my tutorials and revising for tests.

Anyway, I purchased myself an analogue camera a few weeks back. It is a Canon AE-1 camera. I've been wanting to have a film camera for so long. There is something about film photography that just really amuses me – the grainy textures, vintage colors, and the mystique feeling it has by not allowing you to see the result until it is developed.

My first roll of film didn't produce as good of a result as I had expected it to be. In addition to my ludicrosity of deliberately opening the back cover of the camera, exposing the undeveloped film to direct sunlight, I am still not very familiar in focusing this baby to the object I'm capturing. I am pretty ashamed to say that almost 70% of the pictures that I took this time are out of focus. However, here are some of the nicer ones that I took during a collaboration photo shoot with Raffles Runway.

The light-leaks effect on the last photo was unintentional, by the way. But I'm just so looking forward to take more pictures with my Canon AE-1. I've set myself a goal to go out more this year and really try to appreciate the beautiful things around me and materialize them in the form of photos.

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Friday, February 28, 2014

Colours Collide

Words can't express how grateful I am for everything that has happened this past few weeks. School has already started. It is arduous, indeed, which explains the lack of blog updates since early this month. Surprisingly, I have been enjoying it so far! I think the highlight of my JC life is, and will most likely continue to be, the orientation.

"Come in PE attire tomorrow and don't forget to bring S$30 for Orientation Pack."
"*so ex ah?* ... okay."
"Oh, your OG name will be Koko Krunch. What do you think about the name?"
"Um, okay la."
"Hey, Koko Krunch is a cool name okay! You can't just answer like that, you are supposed to say that it's cool!"
"Ummm, okay it's cool. Hahaha."
— orientation prank call, the night before orientation

It never crossed my mind how the first twenty three people I met in JC are going to have that much of an impact about the way I look at school life positively. School is no longer a burden because I have these people I always look forward to see everyday.

Just by looking at these photos already makes me miss orientation so much. Four days of orientation is definitely not enough and I really miss BB11! I miss our OG dinner, crowding at either Nex or Junction 8, playing truth or dares and Monopoly Deal and MRT games and etc. I miss our 'shipping company' which when I think about it, actually only has one single but solid ship: the KarBen. I miss playing frisbee, practicing dance, playing war games and doing all sort of fun things (or even just having a heart-to-heart talk) with them.

I know some of my seniors told me that most OG won't last long. "Just wait until one week after orientation. Most OG will die already." But thanks to Paul who came up with the idea of 'OG breakfast' every morning. Now most of us will get to see each other everyday! *said someone who has been using waking up late as an excuse not to turn up for the past 3 days :p* Nonetheless I think it's a brilliant idea and I sincerely hope our OG will continue to stay as closely knitted as we are now. It's not about being spammed by the noisy WhatsApp group chat. It's not about making sacrifice to wake up 10 to 15 minutes earlier and having to miss breakfast on some mornings. It's about maintaining friendship with the people you once shared sheer joy with, in the hope of keeping it long-lasting.

Yuchang, Jessie, Natalie, Kar Leng, Vivian, Yimin, Audrey, Anyee, Rachel, Ching Kuang, Darryl, Zexuan, Reuben, Ke Jie, Paul, Qi Hui, Nicholas, Dae Young and Nigel. It's been my greatest pleasure knowing you guys and being one of your OG mates.

Also, another monthly music favorites.

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Saturday, February 1, 2014

The Mind's Playing Trick

My understanding of life's Ferris Wheel analogy is that first, we can be on top at one moment and the next, you've hit the bottom. Second, we are not the ones in control of the ride; we trust the operator. Providence allows us to practice our faith — that the Ferris Wheel will keep moving and that the material used to build the body is strong enough to support our weight and that the time will come when we get off our seat and move on to our next journey.

At times when life is difficult and we have so many challenges to face, sometimes we just hope that we can fast forward the time. But on the other hand, at least for me, I always feel the sense of insecurity when, ironically, everything is going right. I mean, life couldn't be that simple, right? I believe many would agree with me that the most beautiful scenery is seen when we are on top of the Ferris Wheel. But am I the only one who's constantly aware that soon the time will come when we've to come down again?

There are two different takes in which we can choose when we're in our so-called 'smooth period' in our lives. Some people choose to go all out. Enjoy the ride. YOLO. They live in present moment. Not worrying about the past nor the future. Others choose to take precautions. The moment they're free from their problems, they build walls in order to prevent from future catastrophe. I belong to the later group. While the pragmatic school of thought would agree that prevention is necessary, it sometimes is tiring to the soul.

I've yet to learn to draw a line between happiness and awareness. Things have been going pretty well in my life recently. My new hostel turns out to be not as bad as I first expected. My new roommate is by far the nicest roommate I've ever had. I've made a lot of new friends from RIMO events and I'm pretty surprised that some would actually take the initiative to talk to an introvert like me. I've made the habit to run at least 3-4 times a week and it's been successful in helping me feel healthier as well as clear my thoughts. Here are some pictures from Instagram and Facebook.

During RJC Open House

The amazing view from outside my window

Me, Cynthia and Geil savouring our Ritz Apple Strudel

My awesome RIMO team and super cool Malaysian students (first picture) who like to show me some magic tricks

Despite all these blessings that I've received, I keep pushing myself to become more self-aware. I've received so much but have I given my best? I'm afraid of being too indulged in temporary pleasures that I forget what's the main purpose of why I'm here. Often times when I run, I think of a lot of random stuffs from what could be the name of that brown poodle running with its owner in front of me, to even more absurd things like whether I can actually run further, make more friends and achieve higher in school if only I have the motivation to do so. It's very tiring to stress a lot. People who only see me from the outside might think that I'm fine. Yes, right now I'm actually having one of the best moments in my life. But at times when I unintentionally pull out my panic cord, it's hard to seek for help from anyone but myself. Right now I might not have problems to worry about. But I'm worried that I'll ever create more problems. On one hand I wish I'll ever stop panicking, worrying, stressing, whatever one may call it. On the other hand, I feel that it is 'these things' that have pushed me out of my comfort zones up till now. A little stress is always needed, but how much is enough?

Going back to the Ferris Wheel analogy, I feel like I've forgotten how to surrender my life to the one and only Creator of this universe. Another analogy I would like to share is the father and baby analogy. Most of you might have heard this famous analogy about how when we were little, our father liked to throw us to the air yet we never worried if he didn't catch us. I miss having that kind of trust. As we grow older and become more independent sometimes we forgot that even the smartest, richest, most beautiful human being still needs Savior. I miss being under my Father's presence and I know that I need to go back to His track soon. Here's a verse that I would like to share, mostly for my own self-reminder but I also hope that there will be people out there who find this helpful.

 And on a completely unrelated note, here are some of my favorite songs this month. Hope you like it. (:

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Thursday, January 9, 2014

Midnight Ramblings

It scares me whenever I think about how flexible the concept of time can be.

During my stay in my grandparents' house in Majalengka, my day only consisted of sleeping, eating, watching soap operas and checking out my social medias. I wished there's more I could do but I guess life in the suburb is just to serene, too simple yet too small be dug by one adventurous soul.

But when I was at the peak of my roller coaster ride, aka having the best time of my life, time didn't just fly. It's gone. Poof. At the end of the day was a rumination on how I've been spending my time so far. How is it that such precious thing can be stolen away from me?

I shudder after knowing that I will be back in Singapore 4 days from now. Not that I hate the school or my friends or the plain-but-healthy food that the boarding school will provide me daily, I'm just very anxious about the idea of having to start everything all over again. New year, new me is nothing to me as compared to new year, new JC, new boarding school, new roommate, new classmates, new CCA-mates and the list can go on and on.

I might just be over thinking and sound extremely exagerative but sometimes it is stress that forces us to carry on, no? For people who can handle their stress pretty well, good for you. But as for me, I'm the type of person who is always excited, but at the same time petrified, at the notion of change. Change is inevitable (high five if you're a Geography student and know what I'm talking about) and the only thing we can change is our attitude towards it. Unfortunately, I'm still in the process of trying to embrace that changes I'm about to face.

As always, my constant battle most of the time is with my thoughts. If I were to think logically and faithfully, I know very well that everything is gonna be fine for me because I have Christ. If I've managed to survive for 2 years why can't I carry on for another 2 years? Honestly, the past 2 years was probably the fastest period in my life ever. It feels like just yesterday I took my first overseas flight to Singapore and stayed with my first foreign roommates. It's also still very clear in my mind how I used to cry after Skype-ing with my parents and grumble over the oh-so-difficult chemistry questions.

But hey, I finally get through everything, somewhat smoothly and auspiciously. So again what actually is there to worry about, I keep asking myself. I wish I know what's wrong so that I can correct it. But the fact that things merely go as they should and I'm not the only one facing this shows to me that maybe it's normal to feel this way: to know that everything will be okay but still worry anyway, to know what actions to take but still need reassurance nonetheless.
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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

(not so) December Favorites

I have half a mind to do my usual monthly favorites. Not that I don't have any, in fact, I've taken quite a number of pictures as well as edited some of them in Photoshop. But right now, I just don't feel like writing so much yet decided to play around with my new Photoshop CS 6 and make the design you just saw above instead (tell me what you think!). I don't know why I'm feeling so fancy right now that I actually put so much effort into making it. I'm still not sure whether I will eventually write about the rest of my December Favorites or include them in the next monthly favorites. But for now, I guess music favorites will be easier and less stressful to do so here it is, my not so December Favorites.

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